another day

Last night we went to the moldy apt to get the last of the saveables and throw some small stuff out. As we were driving up to the complex my heart sank and the depression returned. Went inside it grew. Scrambled to get everything on my list and get out! But then I started taking things to the dumpster and something strange happened I felt empowered!! It was like on that show Hoarders on A&E. You know they cry they complain they are self destructive but then on the last day they start to throw away stuff themselves and they feel great. There I was chucking some beloved yet moldy person items into a dumpster never to be seen or heard from again and I felt fabulous. I began to really throw them in there. Getting out my frustration and anger. And knowing with each thing I get rid of the closer we are to being able to move on. But still saddened. I just need this to be over. This day, this chapter in our lives, etc. Just want to crawl under the covers and come out in Spring!

So I leave, Peter stays behind to do some more work. But little man has to get home, get dinner, and get to bed. Now J hates having a dirty diaper, many times we have had to pull over to change him when we are super close to our destination but he just can not hold on. So on the 25 min drive he needs a change. I can smell that he needs a change. All I want to do is get home and finish my day and go to bed but he needs a change. I am willing him in my head to hang on, to not have a break down, just let us make it home. And he did. Thankfully, blissfully, he made it.
We pull up to the house and I am carrying a diaper bag, my knitting bag ( I had dreams of getting to the Wed night knitting group, ha ha ha), a walgreens bag, and J. The phone rings, its my mom. Have to call you back I say as I am about to drop it all, What, Have to call you back, When, 5 min, How long, click, She is in a place with bad reception and I need to unlock the door. It was about at this moment that I realize I feel slightly wet. J had peeded through everything!! EVERYTHING. and it was a cold night so he had many layers on and they are all soaking. My sweet little boy who hates being dirty didn't even complain the whole way home. He must have sensed that I needed him to chill more than he needed to be changed.
I walk through the door and let everything except the baby fall to the ground. The universe is testing me I feel. The last thing I want to do at this moment is deal with a mess of poop and pee and stained clothes and finding Jonah clean clothes to wear especially this close to bed time. But I am a mom and this is what I do. Deep breath, deep breath, one more. I look into those baby blues, see that smile twinkling up at me and steady myself. It will all be all right. This I can do. I AM A MOM!!! We get changed, we make dinner, he is calm and happy through the whole thing. My exhaustion fades away. Peter comes home. We all have dinner. J goes to bed. P and I make it through exactly 8 min of Prairie Home Companion before we are asleep. Another day done, another day.

I still can't figure out how to rotate pics on this thing, sorry folks!
Jonah, Peter, and I went to check out the local library. Jonah loved pulling all the books off the shelves, I didn't really love having to chase after him and re shelf everything but we all had a good time. I was surprised by the rather good music selection they had.

Yesterday I drove the minivan all by myself, without P in the car. Now for you long time drivers this my seem like no big deal but for someone who has only had their license for a little over 3 months this was no small feat. Its one thing to drive our little economy car but the van is whole different story.

Our new house, which we still love by the way, has baseboard heaters with no child guards and as you can imagine the inevitable J sticking his hand in the heater transpired and he got a nasty burn on his little finger. He will survive, I'm not sure about his parents.

He looks so different now that he has 2 bottom teeth. I am so used to seeing that adorable toothless ear to ear smile of his but now with teeth the thing is all different. Don't get me wrong he's still totally adorable he just looks more mature, or about as mature as a 10 1/2 month old can look.

The knitting is still going in full force and I will post a photo soon of my work in progress.

Friday is the day that the junk movers are coming to clear out all our moldy stuff from the old apt and take it to the dump. Its painful to think of all that is lost but I am so excited that it will all be gone soon. I feel tied still to all of that drama and I think once its all really gone I'll feel free. We are still dealing with litigation and all but at least we wont have all the actual STUFF hanging around. We wont still have 2 places. We will just have this one beautiful house that we get to live in for the time being and can let all the rest of it go. P and I are doing one last trip over to the old place tonight to get a few last things that can be cleaned and then I'll meet the movers on Friday, and Monday we will give in our keys and that will be that. Move on time is almost upon us.

teething, knitting, heating,

This is Jonah's new favorite teething toy!


The move is complete!!! Couldn't be happier!!! Jonah spouting 4 teath at once can't even dampen my mood.

Kara came on Saturday to help. She was amazing, on the phone most of the time coordinating relief in Haiti while carrying boxes and playing with Jonah. She is quite the multitasker!

We are only able to steal internet for a few hrs each night so P and I decided we have to invest. They are coming tomorrow to install and then we will be on whenever we want not the other way.

My new yrs resolutions were to find an organizational system that actually works for me and to learn to knit.

After we moved on Sat Kara, Peter, Jonah and I went to town to get lunch and walk around. After we ate at the wonderful Bayard house I spy a knitting/crafting store and make a B line. As we walk in P says "hey they have a class schedule" I look and no joke intro to knitting is being held the next day. So even though we are surrounded by boxes I spend my Sunday afternoon being taught to knit by Wendy Knitting teacher extraordinaire! And now I am a knitter!!!!! I am making a wrap to wrap Jonah and I in for those chilly night time nursings. I love it.

And in further crafting news I think the quilt, you know THE QUILT that I have been working on for 5 yrs is making its way to completion! I have to sew the 3 pieces together and find some fabric that I want to use for the other side and sew it all together. Light at the end of the tunnel my friends, light at the end of the tunnel.

Living in a house is fun, being from NY I've never lived in a house before. I can sit in the living room and look out at the water and I am content.

I am a total miser with the heat. But am getting used to wearing a light jacket and scarf around the house. If I start wearing my winter coat indoors like my father does feel free to have an intervention.
Jonah loves crawling up the stairs when we let him and having so much space.
Have gone for some wonderful walks by the canal. Watching the huge ships go by, listening to the birds.

Today Jonah and I were playing where's your nose? Then I'd point to his nose. Where's your hand? Then I'd point to his hand. When I got to where's your foot he grabbed his foot held it out and had a humongous smile on his face. He knew he knew. My child is brilliant, have I said that before? He knows what his foot is!!!!

we are moving today, moving moving moving today. thank goodness.

j went to bed at 7 last night, i went to bed at 7:30. then he decided that 5:30 was time for us to get up.
when i say i went to bed at 7:30 it would be much more accurate to say that i fell into bed, i had no choice my body just directed itself over to it and pushed me in, my brain all the while was listing the things left to do before we were done packing and cleaning and ready to move but as soon as my body hit the bed i was out.
who knows how long i would have slept had baby boy not gotten up.

things i will not miss about living here:
sleeping on an air mattress (my neck hasn't felt right the whole time)
not having a place to walk outside, unless you count the highway
not having an outside place for j to play, unless you count the highway
listening to the lady upstairs scream at her 4 yr old, calling her a bitch and even worse
having all our stuff destroyed by mold
being harassed by office workers over said mold
seeing drug deals go down in the parking lot
living in fear that this will be the time the drug addicts break into our place
having j overhear and see people having fights physical and verbal in the parking lot
seeing the cops arresting people in the parking lot

things i will miss about living here:



I hope I can finish up all the stuff still left before kara comes. i know she wont really care but i think its kinda rude to show up to help someone move and they aren't ready. and frankly i want to be done so i can just get the hell out of here. it makes me very sad to have to throw away such personally important stuff and i just want o put as much distance between me and it as possible. i threw out my 3 yr old birthday card from my grandma yesterday.
just get me out of here. let me put this as behind me as i can. i know the whole thing isn't over but i think some distance will help. i pray some distance will help.
i just think that i will feel better making new wonderful memories in our new wonderful house.

J spent hrs and I mean hrs yesterday walking with his little walker toy that i got for $5 at the wee sale. He would race across the floor then hit a door and look at me to turn him around. I think this went on for 3 hrs and started up again once peter came home from work. The pictures are at the top. I couldn't figure out how to rotate them or put them on the bottom of the post. sorry.

Apparently 2 teeth at once just wasn't good enough for my little man and he has decided to sprout a third. SO now he has 2 front teeth in process and a third breaking the surface. He went to sleep last night at 8 woke up at 10pm, 11:30, 2:30, and 5:30. then didn't go back to sleep till 8:30. we'll see how long this nap lasts. but I am on the edge.
its funny. i thought i was on the edge yesterday but then today came and it seems the edge is further away than i thought.
we are almost done with the whole move. peter and pete took over a bunch last night and tomorrow the final push should be manageable. hopefully kara will be able to come but she has been temporarily assigned to the haiti desk so we'll see. clearly whats going on there is more important.

j started playing with his walker toy and just wont stop. he loves that there is nothing on the floor so he can just go go go. he just can't turn around yet but we're working on it.
at 6 am the continual turning around of the toy was about to destroy me, i persevered.

let me just say though that if the management agent of this place tries to pull what she did yesterday or anything close to her harassing behavior i will lose my mind and she wants no part of that. wtf was is her deal??? she has serious problems and is taking them out on me.

i hear a little voice screaming MOMA very loudly. got to go!

movement on the move

I only have 2 types of tea right now. The move and all has curbed my tea buying. Now I love peppermint and green tea but a girl cannot live on 2 teas alone.

baby boy woke up at 5am nursed till 6, put him back to bed. he was talking in his crib as he does sometimes before he falls asleep. peter got up to go to the bathroom and as he walks past jonah's room a little voice starts calling out dada dada. so sweet, so cute, please baby boy go back to sleep.
he did, we did, and hr later he was back up.

after months of me worrying that maybe he'll never get teeth now he is getting his 2 bottom teeth at the same time. poor little guy. he is not a very happy camper.
when i got my wisdom teeth i got vicodin he gets teeth he only gets motrin. good thing he's too young to understand how unfair that is. not that i want to give him vicodin or anything. you should have seen him when they gave him the baby valium for his endoscopy. he was sooooo loopy. it was funny and scary and sad all at the same time.

peter and lou took 2 loads of stuff over to the new house last night. the stress headache has set in as it inevitably does at times like this, soon i'll have an eye twitch and finally a lip twitch and then the move will be complete. you would think i wouldn't go through this whole cycle seeing as we don't have that much to move but you would be wrong.
i have one maybe two more dish washer loads, have to wipe down with a bleach rag my cassette tapes (thats right tapes, and i will play them proudly in my minivan), wipe down my sewing machine and the rest of the electronics, taking the labels off cans of olives and such and wiping them down, doing one last sweep to make sure we have all of the stuff that can be saved, then pack up the few things in this apt, clean it, and we're done.
kara is kindly jetting over in her jetta on sat morn to help. and pete is coming over tonight to take a load of stuff over. tv, kitchen stuff, etc.

lazy baby

Jonah is teething and nursing like crazy. Yesterday he nursed 16 times. Had to go to the store and knew he would need a little something while there. I don't have a problem with nursing in public but there is no where to sit and nurse in the grocery store so I brought a bottle. He can hold his bottle but sometimes chooses not to. This clearly is one of those times. Peter thinks this shows he is a genius, I think this is crazy lazy. judge for yourself!