because 1 sick kid isn't enough

so now I  have 2. 2 pumpkins sitting in their patch looking mediocre and wanting me to entertain them. which let me just say after all these many days home with child #1 I'm pretty much out of ideas. yesterday I did a song and dance routine for him. Seriously, I'm not kidding.. it wasn't pretty.

And of course its going to rain all day so my go to activity of "lets run around the backyard" is out.

J just told me that thursday is his favorite day. so maybe thats a good sign.

but its only 6:38 am and if I hear the words "bubble guppies" 1 more time i may hide under the couch.

I know I took a shower today, i swear i took one. but after 3 hrs of gardening i am questioning my memory. J is home with chicken pox which we're calling kangaroo pox because it sounds cooler.

he was very excited to be helpful and it took a lot out of me to think of ways a spotted 4 yr old could help.
started everything in pots and now they're ready for full gardenhood.
 we got on the rest of the peas, some beets, kale, eggplant, spinach, and cucumbers. hopefully we'll get the rest in later. and of course there's still stuf in pots that's not quite ready yet.

i swear finding stuff to make my own bean climber has twisted my brain. hangers, old stockings, branches, etc. think i'm going to give in and just buy rabbit fencing.

now back to the 4 yr old who is sick but not acting like he's sick. i mean chicken pox is a cruel mommy illness. he's sick yes but still running around like he's ok so you have to come up with activities and alphabet writing and sock puppets just to entertain this little guy till dinner. i mean i pay a perfectly good preschool teacher to do this shit. and don't they always say to expose your kid to another kid with the pox. so let him go to school and infect all the others. 

Moms

On Mother's Day it makes me think of my beautiful children. How they came in to the world so differently. How they have the same personalities on the out side as they did when they were growing inside of me. J was and is busy busy busy, woke up at 5 am everyday while I was pregnant with him and still wakes @ 5 am now. My little L so determined, you can't make her do a thing she doesn't want to do. Full of attitude and sass. Usually you can press on a pregnant belly and the baby will kick. Se kicked when she wanted to thank you very much!
I am so lucky to have them in My life and I just hope that I am the best mom that I can be to them.

But it also makes me think of all my friends who are struggling to get pregnant. AmaZingly we are at that age where getting knocked up just isn't that easy any more. The thing we used to pray not to have happen and took every precaution against is now the thing we pray for and do everything we can to have happen. I feel unbelievably bad for all the people I know going through it. after trying the old fashion method for yrs. adoption,  gestational carriers it all adds up. And there are no guarantees. How did we get into this position? Aren't we still in our twenties?
And I haven't been without my own fertility issues. I've been pregnant 5 times and have two beautiful kiddos.
Why should waiting to get pregnant mean we most likely wont without some sort of invasive intervention?

I want another baby but it probably won't happen. I would love to adopt so maybe we'll go down that route.

To all the moms out there I hope you have a wonderful day. And to all those wishing to become moms Mayan fertility massage worked for me. Maybe it will for you to. Sending you all love and fertile thoughts.

tilled

Our garden is FINALLY tilled!!!!!! so exciting. Now I just have to rake out the grass etc and we're ready to go. Our seedlings have been beautifully growing in our sunny back window and are almost ready to put in the ground. I went crazy with the heirlooms this yr. purple dragon carrots, lemon cucumber, mini watermelon that you can just pop in your mouth like a kumquat. I mean come on  thats really cool. oh and purple cauliflower.black and white tomatoes, eggplant, kale, etc

I still need to get sage, more marigolds, thyme and squash.

But all and all I think we're in pretty good shape.

The sheep and wool festival is today. I usually go but this yr decided that the temptation to buy yarn would be too great so I'm skipping it. but if I knit from my stash all  yr long I'll go next yr.

Today will be filled with making dandelion jam. Now you really can't beat a day like that!!

Hubby dressed little girl today. he put her in completely clashing prints. he said He dressed her as if he were me. I think she looks fab.

pressure

J has been wanting me to drawn shapes for him to cut out. Now that was all fine and dandy when the shapes were squares and triangles, but now he's moved on to hearts and stars. and frankly I'm just not that good at drawing. I feel a lot of pressure to draw perfect shapes so that he can see what the shape is really supposed to look like. But then I think that nothing is perfect and am I teaching him the wrong thing by introducing perfect into our lives. then i remember that its just a kid cutting out shapes and I'm totally over thinking this whole thing. He's just happy to be doing something with his mommy and I should feel the same :)

third arm

i have a new appendage. its about 2 ft tall, weighs 27 lbs, and has an amazing laugh. my dear sweet girl is fully attached to me through this latest illness. and frankly my arms are getting tired, i'm thinking
of breaking out the ergo.

i miss my ergo. but then again i haven't carried around a 27 lbs toddler b4.

i should mention that i'm writing this with one hand since the other one is being used by my little lady as she lays on me.

sorry this post isn't more interesting

104.4

104.4. That's the temp my sweet baby girl currently has. She's so sick that she just wants to lay on me and snuggle and fall asleep, so basically while I feel bad that she's sick and want her to get well as soon as possible I am loving the snuggling mommy little girl time.

It's a rainy day here. I bought mulch made out of chocolate pant shells. So basically it's the best mulch ever cause it smells like chocolate. Ahhh chocolate mulch how I love thee.

Pot roast for dinner for the meat eaters in the family and tofu and veg for the non meat eaters.

Wish I could say I made something for dinner, but um yay just can't.

What are u making for dinner?

Bird calls

Is anyone else loving this weather? I sit here on my porch listening to the birds all around me thinking of my old cell phone. Cell phone you say. Yes cell phone.

My old cell phone. The one that took a bath on wednesday and hasn't worked since. That cell phone had a ring of bird sounds. I loved that ring. My new phone, well my new phone doesn't. It has some cool ones don't get me wrong but for the most part it's club music or beeps. It does have one that is Native American chants, what specific group I'm not sure. But I think that is going to be the one.

And let me just say a word about Verizon. Um how do I put this delicately? They are evil! I mean really evil like devil evil. Like sadistic want to see you writhe in pain while begging for more And making you pay for the privilege kind of evil.

But of course because the other choices are no better I stuck with them and signed another 2 yr contract.

You may have gotten me this time Verizon but mark my words: your day will come!!!!! I will do whatever I can to bring you down. All while enjoying your wireless service.

And there's the rub. At some point we all have to do things that we don't want to do for a greater cause.
I need cellular service. I just do.

But I'll always miss those bird calls.

I love chocolate

Just found a box of chocolates that I was given for Xmas. It's unopened. It's ok to eat right.........I ask this as I have a mouth full of chocolate. Fyi

is a fight ever really over?

I just had an argument with someone. not a huge blow out, tears rubbing down my face kind of argument . but an argument none the less. and the worst part. the very worst part is that I don't think we'll ever see eye to eye on this. i think its going to have to be one of those agree to disagree thingamajigs. i hate those thingamajigs. and thank goodness my kiddos can't read cause we don't use the word hate in our house.

but really is it ok to agree that you're both right or is that all in our heads and in reality we are both harboring resentment and anger about said argument for the rest of our friendship. and will that ultimately lead to the end of our friendship.

I want to say fuck it all. I'm right and this person can go take a walk but they mean something to me and if they took a walk i would probably run after them.

in other news if i don't get the F key fixed on this computer it make be taking a walk out the window.

made the cutest baby head band for my niece yesterday. just need another one and her bday present will be done. i'll post pics when there are 2.

the meds i'm on make my hands shake like crazy so forgive me if there's a wrong key pressed here or there. and I'm not one for proofreading. i'm a write it and get it out of there kinda girl.

Restarting, I hope u like it

1. i know that this picture is hopelessly out of focus bit i love my 2 babes snuggling under a blanket

2. I was told that i should restart my blog to have a creative outlet. apparently Knitting Sewing Photography & Journaling isn't enough.

3. I Also Would like to say that I love elastic pants. I mean seriously am I the only one who finds the whole button zipper thing exhausting. Somedays i still wear maternity pants just so I don't have to deal with that bs.

4. This picture is like my life at the moment: out of focus, blurry, but full of love and smiles.

A year

Its hard to believe that a yr has gone by since I posted last. In that time Lulu had grown into an amazing toddler. walking, the beginning of talking, growing growing growing.

Jonah has turned into a kid. One day I turned around and my baby was gone, replaced by this kid. This kid who I love and am in awe of everyday. Today starts "F" week at school and Jonah listed everything that he could think of that started with "F" on the way to school today.  Firetruck made the list more than once.

The season is changing. My children are  changing. I am changing.

Not ready for winter, not ready for big sweaters, boots, and long underwear. I wish we could just stop right now.

We have a talker!!

My little man is talking!!! Now it may seem odd that I would be excited that my 2.5 yr old is talking but you see this is a new event. Up until now Jonah has said only a few words and those that he did say were understandable only to those of us that spoke "Jonah". But now, WATCH OUT. He is TALLLLLLLKKKKKINGGGG!!!

He got tubes put into his ears 2 weeks ago to help his recurrent ear infections, hearing and speech. Peter and I both felt that he was speaking more clearly on the ride home.

Every day he has been saying more and more, actually saying Mommy instead of MMMMMM. and Daddy instead of Da.
All of a sudden he is counting to 8 and saying the alphabet except the letters V and W.
Who knew that he knew those things. Its truly incredable.

P and I are both big talkers, actually saying that we're big talkers is kind of an understatement so the fact the we had a child who didn't talk was really unexpected. I do think that it has helped me though, I have had to become a better listener, a better communicator. I have had to really listen to Jonah in non verbal ways, get to know what his cues, his gestures, even what his posture means. And for someone who is used to just talking talking talking it has been rather revolutionary.

But now my little guy is talking. and to be honest I'm relieved. It has been difficult, really difficult for me at times. But now Jonah can actually tell me what he wants an I love it love it love it!!!!! hearing him say 1,2,3,4, more, 5, 6 ,8, 7 is absolutely beautiful and no I don't know why the word more comes between 4 and 5 or why 8 comes before 7 and frankly I don't really care.

give me an S

today the stars aligned an for 15 wondrous minutes both of my children were asleep. They never nap at the same time so I was very skeptical about how long this would last but throwing caution to the wind I decided to shower!! That's right folks SHOWER!!! It had been so long since shower and I had hung out.

I was nervous that one would wake up crying and thereby wake the other up so it was a super speed shower but the water was hot and I am clean.

Its really nice to not smell like baby puke...............sadly I'm sure its not going to last long.

Oh and of course as soon as I got out of the blessed shower Miss Lu was awake :)

Confession:

Here it is! Are you all ready for my confession?

I'M NOT WONDER WOMAN!!

Its true, I'm not. Its taken me a while to come to this realization, maybe some of you have suspected it all along. But its just hitting me now. I am not wonder woman. I can't do it all, be all things to all people, save the world.

Of course Wonder woman might not be so wonderful either if she had 2 screaming kids in the back of that invisible airplane of hers. I mean there really is no way she's chasing a toddler in those heels, and while her bracelets may be fabulous for deflecting bullets they would most likely scratch a newborn every time she went to pick them up.

Don't get me wrong. I love Wonder Woman. She has blue hair for goodness sake, sure they say its black but we all know its blue. And I'm obviously a fan of her bright and colorful outfit. But I'm beginning to question whether even she could do it all. Maybe the reason she doesn't have kids or a spouse is because she felt that she had to make a choice between career and family and she chose career. After all saving the world is a big job and when your kid has an ear infection you can't really ask if the "bad guy" could try and destroy the world tomorrow cause you're needed at home.

So if Wonder Woman can't do it all and I can't do it all maybe I'm more like her than I thought.

Times when its ok to break the law

When you have a sleeping newborn in the car all rules should go out the window!! Parents should have a special flashing light or something so that we can alert other drivers etc that we will be:

1. running red lights and stop signs
2. ignoring all posted speed limits
3. ignore all passing rules

all in the name of keeping our adorable, sweet, amazing, screaming machines asleep in the back of the car.

I can't be the only parent who is willing to lead police on a high speed chase just to keep my bundle quiet!!

I think they're ganging up on me!

So obviously she came out!! 39 hrs of full on back labor. After 28 hrs at home I went to the hospital and yelled expletives when I was told that I would have to wait 15-20 min for my epidural. But I had been stalled at 8 cm for 5 hrs, hadn't eaten, slept, or sat down really (except for the birth tub) in over 24 hrs and was done, just done. the meds allowed me to get 3 hrs rest, then they turned it down, the contractions came back full force, I pushed for 3.5 hrs and beautiful Lulu entered the world.

And now there are two. Two wonderful, adorable children who I love dearly. But, but........ Lu wakes up at 4AM to eat and goes back to sleep around 4:45 and then J wakes up at 5AM for the day. So you see I'm waking up at 4AM every day and um, well that's not really a good time for me. Is it really asking too much to sleep in til say 6AM? Tha'ts all I'm asking for kids, 6. Any chance?

How long can this go on????

41 weeks and going strong? Maybe strongish is a better word, even though its not really a word.

Looked up the longest pregnancy on record. 375 days. over a yr being pregnant. yeah that's a really fucking long time. I mean good for that woman that she stuck it out but I'm just not that cool.

Yes I want a natural home birth etc, but there is no way I'm going to still be pregnant come september. Hell I can't believe I'm pregnant in July.

When I chose July 4th as my guess for when I was going to deliver I was more than half joking. But here we are 3 days away from July 4th and I may not even have this lady by then.

To be fair to my friends, family and husband, I'm not the nicest person right now. I'm not meaning to be argumentative or shall we say bitchy I'm just full of hormones and baby and there's no room left for my normally shiny disposition........................

Basically I should just be locked in a room with a significant amount of ice cream for the foreseeable future! And Chinese food, Ice cream and Chinese food!! Thats all I need!

Someday I'll give birth.....right???

Its a race between whether I'll have this baby before I run out of tums or I need to go out and buy a humungous bottle.

The freezer is stocked full of meals, baby clothes are washed, birth supplies are prepared and ready to go. All that needs to happen now is for her to make her grand entrance :)

fear, denial, maybe she's just never coming out!!

I think I'm in denial, maybe its a little bit of fear. I knew that with everyone telling me that this baby was going to come early meant that she wouldn't. I called July 4th and I'm sticking to it. But I'm also partially convinced that she's actually never coming out of me!!!

I've been pregnant since September, SEPTEMBER!!! do you realize how long that is!!!! I think she's just decided to stay inside. Maybe I want her to stay inside, the whole birth thing is a bit scary.

I planned a natural midwife attended birth with Jonah and that turned into a c-section 3 ring circus. So I really don't know what to expect with actually delivering a baby. I'm nervous, I'm scared, it is totally the unknown. I have complete faith that I can do it, I just don't have the faith that I'll be given the opportunity to do it. Will this birth be taken away from me as well?